When you're so used to your little girl being an energetic, sunny, happy girl it is quite a shock when she is lifeless and miserable. For the last two days Matilda has not been herself, we're still not sure what it was, though a trip to a playgroup is probably what caused it. Bugs and viruses are passed around the children like wildfire, so what does one do? Keep them away from danger or let them live their life?
I say let them live their life, I don't believe in overprotecting and keeping toddlers away too much from places where they could catch a cold. It was hard to leave her yesterday when I went off to spend the afternoon interviewing actors, and it was even harder when I got home and she was lying lifeless on the sofa. I felt guilt for leaving her, something so many mothers who work in an office full time have to go through each day. My heart goes out to them. I am happy we made the choice for me to work from home, not only do I get to spend precious time watching my child grow and learn but I'm also there when she needs me most. Financial sacrifices have had to be made but it's interesting how quickly you learn to adapt and cut the cloth...so worth it though!
Friday, 29 July 2011
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
A date with a Laduree macaron
Isn't this the most wonderful sight? Today I succumbed, I went to get a big box that I delivered to a client's new lady as a prelude to their date this evening (how romantic is that?), I couldn't resist it so now I'm sitting here delicately savouring a rose macaron.
Laduree Macarons are simply gorgeous works of art that one shouldn't eat but just can't resist. Whenever I feel miserable I pop along to Harrods and get myself treasure box of Macarons, their pretty colours and the sugary crunch followed by the slow melting deliriousness in my mouth is to die for.
Contrary to popular belief they actually originated in Italy, introduced by the chef of Catherine de Medicis in 1533 during her marriage to the Duc D'Orleans who later became King Henry II of France. Macaron comes from the word Macaroni meaning a 'fine dough'. Pierre Desfontaines, the grandson of Louis Laduree, at the beginning of the 20th Century came up with the idea of sandwiching the two almondy biscuits together with panache. Macarons are as intrinsic to French Patisserie as the croissant, they remain a wonderful treat for French families to share on a Sunday afternoon with their The.
I, for one, am glad of Pierre Desfontaines' idea and urge anyone who's never tried one to drop everything now and head to their nearest Laduree supplier!
Tuesday, 26 July 2011
To say goodbye to a child is truly the worst thing you can do...
Again today my thoughts go out to Mrs and Mrs Winehouse who had to say goodbye to their little girl, despite who she was, Amy was always only ever their daughter, that they brought into the world.
It is the most terrible, painful thing to lose a child, something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Three years ago, my husband and I lost our baby to Edwards Syndrome, when I was nearly 5 months pregnant, because it was late in the pregnancy I had no choice but to give birth naturally and 2 weeks later to attend our baby's funeral.
For a reason beyond my capacity to explain, we didn't want to know the sex of the baby and I wasn't able to take the baby in my arms or look at him/her. I can't explain why, some women want to and others can't. Thankfully my husband was strong enough to spend time with our baby alone, I think I wanted to keep the feeling of closeness to our child whilst it had been inside me, without putting myself physically and psychologically through holding and touching him/her knowing that I would not be able to do that for years to come.
Perhaps I felt that if I didn't see the baby none of had happened, some would call that denial. Those were the darkest days of my life, you suddenly realise how little control you have over your destiny, how mother nature really is more determined than you. You feel helpless, lost, angry and most of all emptiness. I can only thank my husband, close friends and parents who helped me through that time always giving me space when I needed it but also just being there for me.
Every year on the 6th July I go to Mortlake Crematorium to spend time with my little spirit and to look at their name in the remembrance book. These last 2 years their sister Matilda has accompanied me which gives me enough strength to see through this bleak day. However, there is not one day I do not think of our little spirit that's out there watching over us and I wonder what might have been. At times I feel guilt when the 3 of us are having a fun day playing, that our first born isn't with us to share our laughter, that's when I most think about it. Alas, it was not meant to be and the only way I could deal with it at the time was to imagine the baby was a spirit that somehow needed releasing, so it had come to us for help. Now it's free to live it's life in another universe somewhere much nicer than here albeit without it's family.
So my heart goes out to Amy's parents and to anyone who has had to say goodbye to their child.
For more information on Edwards Syndrome/Trisomy 18 go to:
http://www.soft.org.uk/
It is the most terrible, painful thing to lose a child, something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Three years ago, my husband and I lost our baby to Edwards Syndrome, when I was nearly 5 months pregnant, because it was late in the pregnancy I had no choice but to give birth naturally and 2 weeks later to attend our baby's funeral.
For a reason beyond my capacity to explain, we didn't want to know the sex of the baby and I wasn't able to take the baby in my arms or look at him/her. I can't explain why, some women want to and others can't. Thankfully my husband was strong enough to spend time with our baby alone, I think I wanted to keep the feeling of closeness to our child whilst it had been inside me, without putting myself physically and psychologically through holding and touching him/her knowing that I would not be able to do that for years to come.
Perhaps I felt that if I didn't see the baby none of had happened, some would call that denial. Those were the darkest days of my life, you suddenly realise how little control you have over your destiny, how mother nature really is more determined than you. You feel helpless, lost, angry and most of all emptiness. I can only thank my husband, close friends and parents who helped me through that time always giving me space when I needed it but also just being there for me.
Every year on the 6th July I go to Mortlake Crematorium to spend time with my little spirit and to look at their name in the remembrance book. These last 2 years their sister Matilda has accompanied me which gives me enough strength to see through this bleak day. However, there is not one day I do not think of our little spirit that's out there watching over us and I wonder what might have been. At times I feel guilt when the 3 of us are having a fun day playing, that our first born isn't with us to share our laughter, that's when I most think about it. Alas, it was not meant to be and the only way I could deal with it at the time was to imagine the baby was a spirit that somehow needed releasing, so it had come to us for help. Now it's free to live it's life in another universe somewhere much nicer than here albeit without it's family.
So my heart goes out to Amy's parents and to anyone who has had to say goodbye to their child.
For more information on Edwards Syndrome/Trisomy 18 go to:
http://www.soft.org.uk/
Monday, 25 July 2011
Hope you've now found peace Amy
I think for a lot of us, it was quite a relief to work today so we could focus on other things after all this weekend's sadness. Oslo was an unimaginable tragedy and Amy Winehouse is a huge loss to us all and to our children who will miss out on hearing her live.
Her tragic life is quite close to my heart, in my career as an Agent I saw a number of young people succumb to drugs and alcohol. For some fame was too much to bear so they sought an escape, for others their entourage encouraged them. It's funny how 'celebrities' suddenly make a lot of new friends, mostly these 'friends' are only there to drain their money. I saw it time and time again and it saddened me that in my position as an agent there was only so much I could do to help. I often worked closely with their families doing all I do to support them. There is only so much one can do as Agent except work with their families, cover for them with employers, reassure everyone they will be ok, but most of the time you know that won't be the case. You can only hope they can get away from the dealers, the hangers on, the tabloids and their so called 'friends' to give them a fighting chance. A lot of the time you feel like you're fighting a losing battle. Those in the music industry are particularly under pressure to perform and go on, too many people rely on performers like Amy to earn money, we always tried to shield our actors from the public eye, preferring them to go seek help away from the evil eye of the tabloid and the public, to give them a fighting chance.
The loss of the enormously talented and unique Amy has hit us all very hard, we lost her far too early but she will be remembered forever for THE voice. The last time I saw her sing live was when I was in the audience at a recording of Strictly Come Dancing, she sang with her God daughter Dionne, she came across as a true professional and boy you couldn't hear a pin drop when she started to sing.
Take a look at her performance at the Mercury Prize Ceremony where her talent shines through and which quite honestly made me cry, let's remember her like this.
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